Old Man Brother

It's a strange thing to see a strapping, young, 23 year old soldier walking with the stiffness and uncertainty of a 93 year old OLD man. It's even more strange when it's your brother.

He looks normal. Until he gets up and takes hold of his zimmer frame and tells you he still can't climb the stairs because he just doesn't have the strength. He LOOKS like he has the strength but I take his word for it. Shuffle Shuffle.

It was about a month ago now that Brendan fell 30-40 feet off a ridgeline in the mountains of Afghanistan and suffered severe spinal/neurological injuries. The first phonecall came while I was in Boston visiting my sister. Brendan had been injured. He was being evacuated to the hospital in Germany. It was bad. Concussion. His spine was damaged. We didn't know to what expect.

There is nothing worse than "not knowing". "Not knowing" allows for imagination. It allows for worst-case scenarios. It allows for uncertainty and fear.

What followed was an intense period of waiting as we each waited for our phones to ring and for updates to be given. The army/hospital would call my parents, my parents would call me and my sister, I would call my husband, he would call his family.

It was like we were all suspended on one, long, inhaled breath. But can he walk?

He could not.

At first.

But then, a little involuntary movement. In his sleep. The nurses saw it.

All the tests came back with positive results. Nothing severed or broken. A miracle. But he still couldn't move his legs and was having "seizures". He would be kept in Germany until they decided he was stable enough to be sent back to the US.

About to head off on her own big, adventure in Sudan, my sister decided a detour was necessary and went to stay with Brendan in Germany during some of the worst days of initial recovery. The effect of her visit on the spirits of my brother were visible to all the hospital staff. They were reflected in the improved state of my brother's health. The seizures abated and Brendan was given a departure date.

Family, in times of crisis, are essential and irreplaceable.

Back in the US there were more tests, more hospital exchanges but little by little (or rather a lot, depending how you look at it) Brendan has improved and recovered and is now at the Shepherd Hospital in Atlanta in the "Brain Injury" department as part of the Share program. A program constructed to help him get back to full capacity, mind, body and soul. He is loving it. They give him counseling for the PTSD, they are helping improve his cognitive skills (he said his brain is slow and he can't remember stuff), they are working with him physically - relearning how to walk, regaining strength and balance, they take him through ocupational therapy and make sure he can take care of himself. He's doing great.

I'm here because the hospital have asked that he have someone with him 24/7 and it's my turn. Mum has been with him for weeks and this week is my week. We've all had turns. Ashley went to him in Germany, Mum and Dad have been with him throughout his movements in the US, Amy has been with him for two visits, and we're even getting Derrald down this weekend.

With some time to reflect I have felt several things:

~ incredibly grateful for whoever has been watching out for my brother and that he is as lucky as he is

~ family support is worth it's weight in gold

~ no matter how hard we think our lives are, someone else has it harder

~ a sense of humor makes all the difference

~ amy's friends make the best cookies ever

*sorry, no pictures this post... i'll try to get some for the next one.

On being an American...

I'm not American. 

Derrald is an American.

I am a New Zealander.

However, yesterday, after YEARS of whining about not being welcome in this country, YEARS of watching and waiting as my entire family lived and resided in the land of the "free", YEARS of contingency planning and country hopping and "where will I go next", YEARS of baking the most amazing brownies and chocolate chip cookies (okay, my cookies are terrible, but what could be more American than brownies?!) after YEARS, yesterday, Thursday 9th September 2010,  I was approved and accepted as a Permanent Resident of the United States of America.

It's official! I'm in. I am free to reside here, to work here, to laugh and play and make as many brownies as I like here. 

We made it! All scenarios of "24" style interrogation rooms and torture tactics were laid to rest when a perfectly nice man asked one perfectly nice question (and got an answer longer than he expected) 

"How did you two meet?" 

Well. D and I looked at each other. "Should I start?" "You start" D replied. 

"It was the summer of 1997...."

I should have just handed him over the stack of papers we had printed out OF OUR BLOG and told him to "read for himself".

Where did August go?

I've been getting some pressure lately about not writing on this blog enough. I want to. It's not that I don't. It's just, so many things have been happening recently I have no idea how to blog them coherently, in a way that doesn't get confusing... or over indulgent. Seriously. It's easy to get carried away on these things and I have a journal for that.

So, I'm going to bullet point. I LOVE to bullet point. It's a method of list-making. And I LOVE lists.

Our life in August, by way of bullet-points:

KEY: H = Hayley D = Derrald

• H goes to TAG actors meeting
• H meets with her visiting teachers for the first time
• Seth (our newest family addition) comes to stay for a night (and almost never gets to leave!!)
• D+H are losing weight on WW - trying not to let their hunger irritate them into being monsters 24/7
• H receives her work permit from the US Government
• H flies to Boston to help her sister, Ashley, pack up and move
• Brendan is injured in Afghanistan - the family panic.
• Brendan is flown to Germany for care
• D flies to Utah for Lorien's wedding
• Ashley flies to Sudan to begin a 6month medical placement
• H flies to Utah to meet D
• The Stice ladies plan a surprise bridal shower (afternoon tea) for H
• Ryan's birthday (same day as the bridal shower - talk about selfless!)
• Lorien and Seth's Wedding!
• The babies and Lily go back to school
• Kay Stice receives an award from BYU
• H meets half of Utah in the attempt to better know some of D's friends and family
• We meet baby Kylie (our niece) for the first time
• Brendan is sent back to the US for rehabilitation
• D+H detour their homebound flight to make a stop in Atlanta to spend time with Brendan
• H's dad falls off his horse
• D+H weigh-in and find out all their earlier efforts have been completely negated by the fact that they pounded bundt cake, brownies, shakes, IN&OUT burgers, and other delicious things in a completely uncontrolled fashion for two weeks
• D continues the long battle towards graduation and getting his dissertation done
• H's short film "Finding Marilyn" gets listed on IMDb
• H receives the immigration notice allocating her an interview date for September 9th
• D+H recommit to health, school and living the good (poor) life

I have not added some of the fun details. The juice, if you will. I thought I would revisit some of the points in detail in a future post. If you've seen something here you'd like to hear more about, let me know. If you've seen something here that you wish I'd never mentioned, stay quiet. No one is forcing you to read this.

NO, Derrald. SOME things are NOT meant to be listed in bullet point on the blog. In fact, those things are not meant to be listed in bullet point - ever.

What's a blog post without photos? Snore. That's what. So, even though I failed to take any photos the entire month of August (this makes me SO sad) I am adding a little token eye candy for you.

This was a little "behind the scenes"... I am still going through our wedding photos but I will get them up asap.